Dear StumbleUpon.com

We need to talk

   Look, I like you and I know you like me, but I am begging for some things to change. First off, I am not sure what I listed as my interests, but somehow I am constantly getting this error message from my proxy server at my conservative, Christian school:

Every time I get it I turn red in the face, and get nervous I don’t know why but I then feel the need to clarify to everyone around me that I was not actually trying to look at anything inappropriate website, but merely was sent there by a rogue Stumbling engine.

This is what it looks like in class.

Usually in the middle of a lecture…

Usually on the Holocaust.

Also, Stumble… could you please stop sending me “troll comics?” I hate them. There are like three different faces that are recycled and recycled and recycled.

They all look the same. So I made this one, just to show how stupid and recyclable they are... enjoy.

Ok, so that might be a little wrong but…

Why Going Home is Awesome

Moms, Laundry, Showers

   Going home for the summers after being away at college is bittersweet. Yes, there are no quizzes, attendance called, or 8 AM classes, but there are chores. That’s right. You're 20 years old, taking out the trash. In my opinion, this is a small price to pay for showers without flip-flops…

That is all.

Wormmageddon

After the rains come

   Living in Pennsylvania, it rains like no other, and sure, sometimes, we all want to go walking on the newly watered ground, and squish the wet grass between our toes, but here, you can’t. The worms have a mind of their own around here.

So the worms go lay on sidewalks, and climb up to the surface of the ground, I have no idea why they do that…

Maybe something like this:

Or maybe this:

Either way, they sneak up from the ground, find where I’m going to step, and lay there. And wait.

I hate them.

They get pale, bloated, and I don’t understand why they keep doing this crap. I don’t want to kill them, and I get really emotional when I step on them accidently, and I just don’t want to have to deal with it any more. I don’t know what to do about them. I can’t stay in, but I don’t want to go out either.

Usually I just end up sprinting out of my dorm to the other buildings while screaming:

And I usually feel better upon arriving after that.

Happy Spring Holiday!

Let’s collect some Spring Spheres!

   The holidays are always an interesting time for people who revel in being politically correct, in the world of holiday trees, season’s greetings and the festive nondenominational menorahs, I find myself laughing at the extremes people go to, to be inoffensive. But basically it makes you sound like a pretentious jerk, in my opinion.

The previous scenario has never actually occurred but I’m expecting it any year now…

So it is currently Easter season, and I have heard that a school in Seattle has taken it upon themselves to rename Easter Eggs. They are now  the more politically correct “Spring Spheres” (http://www.mynorthwest.com/?nid=11&sid=459668). I just wanna shake these people and say “You are not Starbuck’s! You cannot just arbitrarily rename things because it’s trendy!”

First off, spheres are circles, like ping-pong balls. Eggs are not spherical, and if you think that eggs ARE spherical, you should probably not be teaching at a school, EVEN in Seattle. Is alliteration so important that we are completely abandoning calling shapes by their proper name? If this were the case, we’d all be playing Four-Fractal, and how tough would that be?

About that tough.