Welcome

Welcome to my blog! If I were you, I'd read the section titled "Read this First" on the right-hand side of your screen... It will help you understand exactly why this blog is hilarious. If not, however, just read on as you see fit, and though you may not understand the humor, you can at least indulge in my impeccable vocabulary.
- Paige

MacBeth Therapy Session

Since my Hamlet Parody received such a great response, I have decided to indulge you further by adding my MacBeth Therapy Session. Again, this may not make much sense to you if you haven’t read it, but it’ll be okay. :  )



Court Therapist: Hello, and welcome to the MacBeth Court Therapy Session. I know some of you are having identity crises, so if you could please open your respective envelops and put on your nametags, it would be greatly appreciated. As you all know, I am the Court Therapist, and
in lieu of recent events find it necessary to have an emergency meeting.
Witches: Hissssssssss.
MacBeth: Why? I haven’t done anything. Why? What have you heard?
Lady MacBeth: Silence, Husband!
Banquo: I’m bored.
MacDuff: Me too. I usually don’t even come out to social events!
King Edward: Anyone want to make an alliance?
Malcom: Sure!
Witch #3: I think not.
Witch #2: Take his thumb for our potion’s pot!
Witch #1: And by tomorrow, he’ll be forgot.
Witches: For MacBeth has the crown he sought!
King Edward: So… no alliances?
King Duncan, Post Mortem: Can you not make alliances right now? These people are trying very hard to cope with my untimely death!
Murderer: Which one of you is Fleance?
Fleance: (raises hand)
Murderer: And Banquo?
Banquo: Here! …Wait, why?
Murderer: Has anyone seen my dagger? No reason.
MacBeth: Is that a dagger I see before me?
Lady MacBeth: Poor thing. Another one of those fits of his!
MacDuff: Does he have those often?
Malcom: You’re never around long enough to find out!
Lady MacBeth: Don’t ask about MacBeth’s fits.
Fleance: Why?
Lady MacBeth: I said, “don’t ask about his fits!”
Murderer: Don’t worry, he won’t ask any more stupid questions… very, very soon.
Witch #1: So the seed of vengeance sows,
Witch #3: Add some mischief, watch it grow!
Witch #2: In all, here gathered, straight to heart.
Witches: Come like shadows, so depart. (start to leave)
Therapist: Actually, we still have some time left in our session, if you could stick around… that’d be great.
Malcom: Hey, Dad?
King Duncan, Post Mortem: Yes, son?
Malcom: Who really killed you?
Lady MacBeth: Oh, my head! (faints)
MacDuff: And how often does THAT happen?
Fleance: You really should hang out more often.
Banquo: Can I leave? If I’m going to be fathering some kings, I’ve got some stuff to do…
Murderer: Yeah, Banquo, you’re probably really busy. Maybe you, Fleance and I should take a walk? Share a flask..? Go to a secluded part of the woods?
Fleance: Sure!
MacBeth: Yeah, Banquo, you should go. You don’t look very good.
Banquo: You liar, I look great. I’ll stay.
Fleance: Sure!
King Duncan, Post Mortem: Very wise. Very wise. I’d stay if I were you.
Lady MacBeth: Banquo, are you really taking advice from a dead man?
Malcom: Feeling better, Lady MacBeth?
Lady MacBeth: Not hardly. (faints, again)
King Edward: So… does ANYONE want to make an alliance?
Malcom: YES! I’d do anything to keep this tyrant from living in and ruining my father’s house.
King Duncan, Post Mortem: Why is MacBeth in my house?
Witches: Hisssssssssssssss
Fleance: Can you make them stop doing that?
Therapist: Yes, but how does that make you feel?
Fleance: Anxious. Like, I have this feeling that something terrible is about to happen to me.
All: Me too.

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