Welcome to my blog! If I were you, I'd read the section titled "Read this First" on the right-hand side of your screen... It will help you understand exactly why this blog is hilarious. If not, however, just read on as you see fit, and though you may not understand the humor, you can at least indulge in my impeccable vocabulary.
- Paige

Friday, April 22, 2011


After the rains come

   Living in Pennsylvania, it rains like no other, and sure, sometimes, we all want to go walking on the newly watered ground, and squish the wet grass between our toes, but here, you can’t. The worms have a mind of their own around here.

So the worms go lay on sidewalks, and climb up to the surface of the ground, I have no idea why they do that…
Maybe something like this:

Or maybe this:
Either way, they sneak up from the ground, find where I’m going to step, and lay there. And wait.

I hate them.
They get pale, bloated, and I don’t understand why they keep doing this crap. I don’t want to kill them, and I get really emotional when I step on them accidently, and I just don’t want to have to deal with it any more. I don’t know what to do about them. I can’t stay in, but I don’t want to go out either.
Usually I just end up sprinting out of my dorm to the other buildings while screaming:

And I usually feel better upon arriving after that.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Happy Spring Holiday!

Let’s collect some Spring Spheres!

   The holidays are always an interesting time for people who revel in being politically correct, in the world of holiday trees, season’s greetings and the festive nondenominational menorahs, I find myself laughing at the extremes people go to, to be inoffensive. But basically it makes you sound like a pretentious jerk, in my opinion.
The previous scenario has never actually occurred but I’m expecting it any year now…

So it is currently Easter season, and I have heard that a school in Seattle has taken it upon themselves to rename Easter Eggs. They are now  the more politically correct “Spring Spheres” (http://www.mynorthwest.com/?nid=11&sid=459668). I just wanna shake these people and say “You are not Starbuck’s! You cannot just arbitrarily rename things because it’s trendy!”

First off, spheres are circles, like ping-pong balls. Eggs are not spherical, and if you think that eggs ARE spherical, you should probably not be teaching at a school, EVEN in Seattle. Is alliteration so important that we are completely abandoning calling shapes by their proper name? If this were the case, we’d all be playing Four-Fractal, and how tough would that be?

About that tough.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Dear American Apparel

  I don’t know what copyright there is… but I don’t own these photos… so let’s start off with that. But has anyone noticed that American Apparel has incredibly slutty advertisements? Every time I check Texts from Last Night (http://textsfromlastnight.com/) I am confronted by graphic images of topless women trying to sell me watches, totes, and basically anything else that doesn’t necessarily require nudity advertise. First off, where do you find these women? And how do you say to them: “you’re going to be in an advertisement for totes. You need to be naked.”?
This just doesn’t seem necessary to me. you're advertising a bag. Not a shirt. Not a smock. Why make it look like one? Is it sex appeal? I don’t find this sexy. Kinda sad. I just wanna buy this poor girl a shirt so she doesn’t have to wear this tote around anymore. And this next ad:
Why would I want to buy these watches? I would only disrobe her further, and who wants that? Does the cleavage come with it? Just wondering, not for me, I mean.
Look, all I’m trying to say is that your ads make me feel uncomfortable, and get a little red in the face. Let’s put this into a different context, if this were facebook, and one of my friends had this on her profile picture, I would think she was desperate for attention and maybe a little high. I would take it upon myself to inform her, when she sobered up, that she has an embarrassing picture up. But since I don’t know these girls, does it suddenly make it ok? Cause I don’t think so. I just find it a smidgen ironic that a place that sells clothing advertises people wearing nothing… I would start re-thinking my marketing campaign, but that’s just me.

Now, let’s all just get back to the basics (which apparently means lunging around in our neutral colors, as it were).