Welcome to my blog! If I were you, I'd read the section titled "Read this First" on the right-hand side of your screen... It will help you understand exactly why this blog is hilarious. If not, however, just read on as you see fit, and though you may not understand the humor, you can at least indulge in my impeccable vocabulary.
- Paige

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I almost had Shingles

Oh, Zerbe Health Center...

  So I was feeling sort of sick the other day, in the sense that I hadn’t slept for days, honestly, and I was spending my nights roaming around, organizing things. Things that don’t even belong to me. After two nights of this that blurred into days full of being cranky and being mean to people in general, and an overall Grinch (though when I wrote this originally, I didn’t use the word “Grinch”), I just couldn’t take it anymore, and went to the health center here, at GCC. So I trot on over, and I get looked over by a nurse. So she pushed my tongue down with the thing, and looked at my eyes and took my temperature, and saw this rash I have on my arm and stomach and started making what I call “worried noises.” So I started to panic a little bit, and am not surprised at all when she says:
Nurse: My dear, I regret to inform you that you have (wait for it…) Shingles.
Me: What.
Nurse: Yeah.
Me: But, I had chicken pox as a child!
Nurse: Well… (shuffle thorough about 1,893,759,782,075 papers) …ok I’m going to rediagnose you here… Ok, you have a cold, and dry skin.
Me: …What? Two seconds ago, I had Shingles!
Nurse: And now you have dry skin. All you need to do is apply lotion more frequently—
Me: Yeah, I know how to cure dry skin.
And I got out of there… I almost had shingles today. It felt so dramatic that I’ve told this story to like, 10 people and I am no longer entirely sure how true it is. Keep in mind that I was running on 46 hours without sleep. And also may have been heavily medicated at the time.

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