Welcome to my blog! If I were you, I'd read the section titled "Read this First" on the right-hand side of your screen... It will help you understand exactly why this blog is hilarious. If not, however, just read on as you see fit, and though you may not understand the humor, you can at least indulge in my impeccable vocabulary.
- Paige

Monday, October 25, 2010

Fifteen Things to Give Up Before Graduating (GCC)

   With my older brother having entered his senior year here at Grove City College, many things have been slammed into perspective for me. The time we spend here is fleeting, and while we try our best to stay ahead of grades, participate in enough clubs to make us “well rounded,” and maintain a booming social life, we often neglect to realize that there are many things that we do here that would be unacceptable in “the real world.” Now, I know that studying takes up much of your time, so I have taken it upon myself to put together a guide so that this transition is made simpler for you at this anxiety-ridden prospect.
Fifteen Things to Give Up Before Graduating GCC:
1.       Hating on GCC. People complain daily about Grove City College and the strain that it puts them under. How can you complain so furiously about the place that you tried so hard to get into? Now, I understand that it feels fantastic to stick it to the man, but you must keep in mind that Dr. Jewell is “the man” in this case (as well as most cases). Why would you want to stick him with anything other than a hug?
2.       Claiming that your major is the most difficult. This is GCC, people. We are students of one of the most prestigious colleges in the country. Rigorous Academics is 1/3 of our slogan.
3.       Getting upset about intervisitation hours. You can’t cuddle with your boyfriend because it’s the middle of the week and you don’t want to be like “the creepy lobby couple,” there is only room for ONE single-tray duo in Hick’s, and “going on a walk” is not nearly private enough on our three-square-mile-campus when every other couple has a similar idea. At the end of the day, you aren’t fooling anyone. I know that you secretly ADORE having intervisitation hours because no matter how much you protest, you actually like walking to you dorm in a towel after a shower, and doing your homework in the safety of your dorm shirtless.
4.       Leaving your wallet as a marker on your table, anywhere else that wallet would be gone within seconds of being placed.
5.       Assuming that a boy and a girl hanging out alone are dating. In the real world, boys and girls can be friends without a constant marital pursuit.
6.       Complaining about the weather. You go to school in Pennsylvania. If you are from the West Coast, you can kiss that “sun-kissed skin so hot it’ll melt a popsicle” goodbye! We are known for our Amish, not our beaches.
7.       The notion that Democrats don’t exist. They do exist. Some even win the presidency…
8.       Leaving your door unlocked. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! As great as it is to have faith in humanity: don’t. The rest of the world is not Authentically Christian.
9.       Turning Chapel into “Nap”-el. Where do your dreams and church services collide? Hopefully not Harbison. Or anywhere else for that matter.
10.   Going to functions to get free things. That is known as “stealing.”
11.   Stealing food from the cafeteria in your pockets. Usually after meals, places provide you with magical “to go” containers which allows you to take the rest of your meal home guilt free.
12.   Advertising on the sidewalks with chalk. Some may call that … “vandalism.”
13.   Using the PLC and other buildings as pseudo-hallways to cut down on your walking time from place to place. Breaking and entering charges are not worth the time the shortcuts may have saved.
14.   Throwing your friends in a creek when they get engaged. The unlawful touching of another is called “battery,” and this will only confuse and moisten your friend.
15.   The notion that things are going to get easier. I’m just saying… 

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