And those who think they are
Dear Funny People:
I thought I’d write to find out how you’re doing! I hear that you’ve been using mass emailing to show off how hilarious you are. How’s that working out for you? I was reading the “To” field of your email, and I realized that not only did you include the entire teaching and housekeeping staff of GCC as well as alumni, but also Dr. Vincent DiStasi our chief information officer, himself. You know… the guy who busted you for civil discourse? Not to mention the fact that you sent it to our President Dr. Jewell and his First Lady…
Anyway I was just checking in on you, as I heard you were going to appeal your case to the board, so please let me know how that is going to go! Suit it up, calm it down: as we say in the old country, “don’t talk so much.” With any luck, you’ll be the one case they don’t INCREASE the sentence on, but as I can tell from your sense of humor that will be unlikely to happen.
As the Resident Satirist, I understand the desire for one’s work to be read by all and to be considered hilarious, but I would like to also mention that you have to actually be funny for this to occur! Or if there is no chance of that, please at least be grammatically correct (e.g. “Sounds like a cool story, but if you do read it, be a sponge” is a sentence fragment, and makes me cringe). Being sarcastic is one type of humor, where things are “funny because they’re true.” Kind of like how your being fined for a really offensive email to the entire student body (and then some) is funny because it’s true. But let’s not get caught up in the past and poor life decisions. If we wanted to draw attention to offensive mistakes, we could just find someone wearing leggings as pants and write an article on her!
I hope this has been informative, and helpful. If it isn’t, feel free to write Brittany Knowles (THAT’S MY ROOMMATE!).