Welcome to my blog! If I were you, I'd read the section titled "Read this First" on the right-hand side of your screen... It will help you understand exactly why this blog is hilarious. If not, however, just read on as you see fit, and though you may not understand the humor, you can at least indulge in my impeccable vocabulary.
- Paige

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Silver is the New Black

The Changing Computer Trend

   From the beginning of time, Grove City College has given each of its students a black HP computer, the newest versions of which are outfitted with the ever-shrinking battery packs, and tablet features. Because of the similarities of each model from generation to generation, this made it difficult to point out freshman without intense investigation. Last year, however, everything changed. The computers issued were silver and the battery pack was so thin it was almost indistinguishable. Thus, even if they weren’t wearing their lanyards, taking forever to beep into meals, or calling Breen Student Union the “STU,” one could still identify freshmen by the color of their HPs.
    This year, an even greater leap was taken, and the computers are not only silver, but also have a huge sticker of the beautiful Rockwell Hall of Sciences on the back. (At first, one couldn’t even recognize it was the GCC campus, as the sky was a blue rather than the typical Grove City Grey, but artistic liberties must be taken in the pursuit of advertisement.) Suddenly, the college-issued computers on campus are evenly balanced between these new, completely pimped-out silver bullets against the huge-battery-pack-laden black dinosaurs.
     Certainly, the possession of the older computers imply the user’s wisdom, campus smarts, and maturity, but it comes at the cost of having an older model, spotty internet access and general crankiness that can only be caused by having to deal with old technology on a continual basis. The possession of a new one, on the other hand, alludes to sophomoric ideals, general awkwardness, and an elaborate knowledge of exactly what has been “Overheard at GCC” as facilitated by speedy Facebook connections.
    Now, rather than continuing to discuss the variety of computers on campus, I’d like to offer Grove City some suggestions for alternative photos to paste on the back of next year’s laptops.
Some Alternative Suggestions for Computer Covers
1.       Dr. Jewell. A photograph of Dr. Jewell would be perfect for the computers, it would be a reminder that we have a president that cares about our school, and is always looking after us, encouraging us to do our best. Even if we can’t make it to the meetings at his GeDunk hours, or missed his many performances on OB-OB, you will have him with you always.
2.       Sherri making an omelet. When times get rough, and the pressure of finals is growing, we can rest in the knowledge that we have an expert omelet maker waiting to serve us every morning; always with a ready spatula, smile and lovingly sarcastic sense of humor.
3.       Darrius Pugh. Dancing.

4.       Sheetz Made to Order Food. The red wrappers, the receipt attached to the warm lump (is it a sub? Is it a hot dog? Is it a pretzel-bun chipotle sandwich? You never know until you open it.), everything we love about the Sheetz phenomenon. Who cares if it lacks eating areas? The ATM machine and general ambiance of being off campus, getting a real college experience really makes up for it.
5.       A photo of a set of engagement rings. Just to remind you the OTHER reason why you’re here, next to the whole education thing.

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