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Keep it in your Pocket.

   Hey, friends, today we are going to talk about something very important. We are going to talk about awkward moments. Now, before your memory is flooded by thoughts of your freshman year, proms, and the first time you ever saw a couple refusing to say good night outside your dorm, I would just like to clarify: awkward moments surround us at all times, and rarely can they be avoided. This having been said, I am going to exploit them to give us something in common to laugh about.

Moments Everyone Wishes they could avoid…

·         Saying hi to someone you see coming your way too early, so that your little socially-required small talk is done and over by the time the person actually reaches you, you have nothing left to say.

·         When people hang out in your room while you get ready for bed and then they just don’t leave. Even after you get into your bed, they’re still hanging out. This goes along with the people who you say goodbye to, then as they leave, take a little too long to shut your door.

·         When you see people you don’t really know waving at you from far away, so you wave back. And then find that they were actually waving to the person behind you.

·         When you go for a pound and the other person goes for the high-five.

·         While walking along and you talk to a person you know and you do your little socially-required chat and say “catch you later!” or something to that effect, and then… you find that the other person is walking the same direction as you. Do you put in your ear buds? Do you struggle for more conversation?

·         When you see your friend going into Wal-Mart, and you say “hi” and continue to run into them another eight times until you just stop greeting them and ignore that they’re there altogether.

·         When you run into your roommate, wearing your clothes.

·         Catching your boyfriend studying in a common area with his friend… Named Tiffany.

·         When you try to hug a friend from behind, and realize… it’s just someone wearing a similar jacket.

·         While showering, the self-timed lights go out. Well, shoot.

·           Bursting into your MWF 8 AM classroom late, only to find that it’s Tuesday.

·         Getting denied admission to chapel for being late.

·         Causing a door alarm to go off because you got enthralled in a really good conversation.

·         Laughing at something hilarious online in the middle of a lecture… on the holocaust.

·         Trying to put a cookie in the conveyor toaster, and getting yelled at by an elderly Bon Appétit staffer for endangering everyone’s life.

·         Audibly saying “Oh, man, I wouldn’t do that,” when someone makes a false move in chess, on their computer, again, in the middle of a lecture, again, on the holocaust.

·         Not knowing how to properly conclude an article once it’s begun.